Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
