Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
