I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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