i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
