At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
