Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
