anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
