Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
