My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
