I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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