I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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