Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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