so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
