Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
