Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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