apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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