i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
