i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
