Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
