maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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