I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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