I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
