Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
