Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i would punch a child for taco bell
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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