I'm lost and stupid without you.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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