Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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