I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
