I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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