Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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