I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
