just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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