YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
