Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize