His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
