Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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