TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
