You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
