I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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