she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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