I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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