it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
