My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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