So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
