how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
