I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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