there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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