that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
