Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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