I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
