it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
