I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
