Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
