Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
