she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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