this boner is exhausting
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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