Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
thus making me awesome and them whores
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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