Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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