I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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