I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
