She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize