I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
