Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
