my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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