It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
