I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
