Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you had me at cake vodka
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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